NEVER backing down, NEVER quitting

i screwed up 20 years of my life i’m not going to screw up my 21st.

So on the night before I have a huge homework assignment due, I wasted the whole day and right when I was about to start up on my hw, I stumbled upon my old xanga blogs. My very first blux15, the one after that, and the one me and my ex made together. I started thinking about who I was before and who I am now, and I’ve realized I’ve come a long way from who I used to be… And instead of feeling hurt and pain from remembering the infamous “break-up,” it only just made me feel more motivated in doing better than who I was before. Hopefully this is a season for me to change and have my relationship w/ God grow deeper. But I don’t know… everythign is so confusing I do not know what to expect or what to think.

Anyways. All this may be bullshit cause I didn’t get any sleep from finishing up my hw and then i have class at 10… so I could be going crazy due to the lack of sleep. <shrug>

go figure.

“We often try to cup God into our hands, but when will we let God cup us into His hands?” – unknown (saw this in one of my old bluxanga posts… thought this was interesting)

Currently listening to: Omarion – Ice Box 
Feeling down and depressed these days have not been too fun for me. But tonight, I randomly was looking through my buddylist and I saw a screen name that I have not seen in awhile. I messaged the dude wondering if he still remembered me, and to my surprise his memory is sharp as a knife. I probably said this before, but I am really grateful that I have met him in my life. Ever since i was a little punk kid in elementary this guy taught me everything I know in sports, fashion, etc. For some reason after talking to him, I feel like there is something more in life that I’m missing out on. Maybe it gave me motivation to work harder in school?? I don’t know. But for some reason I feel much better and I’m looking forward into dealing with future hardships.

On another change in topic, I picked up the “Kat Williams: American Hustle” dvd from Best Buy a few days ago. It was well worth my money. I have only seen Kat Williams preform on Nick Cannon’s Wild’n Out, but all the hype on TV made me want to buy it. I was also thinking about buying “Chaos,” but I decided to rent it instead. Chaos is a pretty good movie, but that kind of storyline is getting pretty old. Good cop turn bad etc etc. But nevertheless I enjoy a good movie with twists and turns.

I feel like typing a lot more, so I’ll talk about this weekend. Friday night the family went to Dustin’s 21st party, and I had a really good time. Drank a couple shots, played beer pong, and met a couple new interesting people. Didn’t really do much this weekend except for Dustin’s 21st and hw and hw and hw and more hw. I’m really behind in my reading, so I think I’m going to spend some time at the library and read a little tomorrow.

To catch up on my recent events, I started playing basketball again after my angry hiatus. It has been really good, because before I used to get mad at anyone during a game if I screwed up, but I’ve learned how to turn my frustration into motivation into playing harder. My roommate Paul even got me to go all out with basketball gear. Bought myself some Nike 180’s and a crapload of Jordan shorts. Repping MJ to the fullest baby!

Looking into my bank account, I am kind of disappointed in where my money is going. I spent so much money on clothes, gas, dobers, shoes, sunglasses, posters (bought a brand new The Game poster), food, entertainment, and alchy. I need to either learn how to save money or get a job so my parents do not keep supporting my wasteful habit in spending money. I want to get a job, but then that will take away my weekends to have fun or to study. I’m not sure yet… I tried out Sushi Garden, and serving there was really easy but hours were long and management really sucked. I should try out the chinese place Teddy told me about or BJ’s thats right across the street away from me. I’ll give it some thought this week and hopefully figure something out.

It has been nice just typing away without thinking about what I want to write, but I have to go sleep so i can get ready to study my ass off and catch up with school.

1+1 = 2

if only life were that easy huh?

i can’t shake this feeling off of me. wtff…

but he said to me, “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” therefore, i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that christ’s power may rest on me. that is why, for christ’s sake, i delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. for when i am weak, then i am strong.

2corinthians 12:9-10

why must Your power be perfect in weakness God?! WHY!?
Why does this hurt so much… please stop.

friciikin youngunsss… hella babysitter status. haha
did not play hard enough… the weekend pretty mmuch consisted of:

- drive up to phx
- bad news
- no dinner
- drink
- no sleep till 6am
- drive a shitload of ppl home at 6am
- 2 hr nap.
- movie
- random kick it spots
- peacin out back to tucsy.

and yes i’m still bitching a bout it cause i’m tired as hell. AND helll no i aint doin no more all nighters. i’m gettin too old for this shit. But otther than that it was good seeing ppl again..

daammmmn school work is hella owning me this week. i gotta step my game up. but freals? this weekend i’m gonnna play HHHARRRRDD.

shiit. screw accounting. it can bite me on the left buttcheek. i should be studyin for my test tomorrow but instead i’m watchin the BET 2007 music awards and updating this usless blog..

back to studyin.
rockin em new shades and new kicks soon! yall watch out…

causee… WUTCHA KNO BOUT EM NIKE AIR FORCE ONES ALLL WHITE AN GUCCI SHADES HUH?!

NOTHING!!!

school can blow me.
Took a semester off and now i’m pwned. aksjdflasdjafl

HELLLLLA pwned. back to being a n00b huh? =\

school work is bullcrap.
I read 10 pages and I fell asleep… way to be a hardworker huh??

Thank you Lord for drowning me in Your grace.
You are truly indescribable