NEVER backing down, NEVER quitting

i am so lost. please help me.

Erik S. & Maxwell Harding

R.I.P (July 24, 2007)

Dang.

I’ve made so many mistakes in my life it seems like i should just become a bum. I mean yeah God has a plan for everything, but it just sucks how I have to make so many mistakes to learn from them… ya know?

One part of my life that I’m not too proud about is dating. I’ve messed up w/ my past relationships where God was never in the center of my relationships even though I claimed He was. I didn’t think things through and cause of that i made spur of the moment decisions that messed things up in my life.

man sometimes it seems so easy to…
aksdjfa;dlsjfad
frickin a.  nvm.
yeaaaa…. you make mistakes and you learn from em right?

Never backing down,
Never quitting.

I met and talked to Frank Shamrock at Cheesecake Factory. What a stud.
heck. i even shook his hand. the very hand that beat the crap outta Tito Ortiz… and the very hand that choked out that punk Baroni.

I’m never washing my right hand ever… hahah. just kidding. maybe not.

So I should be studyin for my econ midterm tomorrow but i’m wasting my time typing away. After thinking awhile about my hella emo posts, i realized that i’m just tired of living up to a role of being a worship leader. i’m tired of playing church roles and having to deal w/ ppl that act all i’m holy than you. Actually i’m not tired of it… i hate it. i started visiting this new church and i’ve decided low-key it over there. I’ve had enough with serving the church and pleasing the congregation. It’s time to serve and to please Him.

FRICKIN FRANK SHAMROCK!! w000000t.
man… i’m like a lil kid. ahhaah

okay. another emo post.

do u guys ever feel so alone? like its so hard to trust ppl and rely on them? And cautious to start a new friendships cause you are always afraid of being hurt?
well i don’t knwo about you, but thats how i feel.

you are probably thinking, “wtheck?!?!”
and you are probably right.

I don’t even know where to start…

With all thats been going on in my life… i think God wants a time of revial and restoration in my life. I’m so lost and confused. haha. damn i’m so emo on all these posts.

but i guess all i can say right now is that i’m feeling very empty.
very very empty.

i only have a 14 minutes left to get ready for work… but heck. i’ll kill a few more minutes updating this thing. its been awhile huh?

i started working at cheesecake factory (in oakridge mall) a few months ago… its been treating me okay… hella shady ppl come in to eat, but my co-workers are awesome. Met up with hella old school friends this summer, and its been going GREEEEEEEEEAAT! I think i blew out a speaker from bumpin music in the batmobile too loud… >.<
ouch.

Spiritually, the past few months have mostdef been the toughest time in my life. It still drags on like a never ending weight that just keeps smothering me over and over. I feel very alone and i trust no one… I need to anchor myself with God instead of relying on those assholes who act all fake to me. I can barely talk to many “christians” these days. Many of us have that Holier than thou attitude that makes non-christians want to puke. that crap makes me want to sock them in the face. Since when did Jesus ever have that I am holy and you are not attitude? His message was about love and grace. Not to walk on water and just heal the sick cause He wanted to show how holy He is… Just cause you are a pastor/worship leader/small group leader/usher/etc in some church doesn’t mean you are in any upper status than the next dude.
just some food for thought… i guess.

i hate writing long emo posts like these… cause i’m always afraid i’m directing it to someone, when i’m not… adsjfa;ldsjadsfasd

Rest in peace Alieen. our prayers are with you.
7/6/2007